A couple of weeks (months, euro-span years?) ago I posted about crappy records in my collection. Truthfully, to get my friend and HC founder Dave to post on here. So, I have been pondering on where to go next with HC posts that I contribute. I really had fun writing about some of the horrid crap I found in my vinyl collection. Those were full-length albums. I haven’t, however, written about 45’s that I have in my possession. And yes, if you go to Instagram back in December/January/February, you will see a great number of pictures that I had posted of some of the weird shit I found. Well, friends, it’s MAY and I haven’t followed up with anything new, either on Instagram or elsewhere. So guess what? My new idea was to go through my 45’s and see what absolute crap I had. I’ll do just five today, but oh boy, I have enough refuse in my collection to post several more entries. Maybe another one next month, and then another in July? I may even have more for August. It matters not, as long as you write about these thankless joys that keep on giving!
1. “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing”, Aerosmith (from the Armageddon soundtrack):
I have NO fucking idea why this is in my record collection. Although, I have a theory and it involves the second idiot (His name in the book is “The Poor Man’s Scott Weiland”) I was with for several years. I think it may have been his, or in some misbegotten attempt at romance that didn’t involve Busch beer, Budweiser shorts, or fucking his best friend’s girlfriend, he may have gifted me with it. 1996-1999 are dark years in my life, first my mother’s death and then directly following it up with the worst mistake I have ever made in the “game of love”, #2 (in more ways than one). Regardless, there it was in one of my 45 crates that I moved to my friend’s house. I had just done a video post on Youtube for the still-evolving book channel connected with my blog, and it was on Joe Perry’s excellent memoir ROCKS.. I had compared his book to Steven Tyler’s book, and threw Tyler’s book- AND THIS SONG- into The I&M Canal with cement shoes. In other words, I really do NOT like this song at all. I didn’t like it in the movie, I didn’t like it on the radio, I certainly didn’t like finding it in my vinyl crate. So I’m going to throw this one into the category of “Things My Stupid Exes Gave Me”. And into a fire. A burning, smoldering garbage can on fire!
2. <strong>”And We Danced”, The Hooters:
Again, no idea why I own this. I do remember my mom liking this song, so there’s a chance it may have been one of hers, but hers all had her name on them. Blasphemy, writing on these labels; but she did it. LOL. And now that I no longer have her here, seeing that handwriting (especially on all of my Duran and Pet Shop Boys 45’s) brings back fond memories. Little things, friends. Anyway, this song annoyed me when I was a kid and it played at EVERY single dance. And if you grew up in the 80’s, you know what I’m talking about. Elementary schools had a dance every other week, it seemed. And because you were attending that school, you had to go. No matter how awkward or geeky you were in elementary school, you had to go. With or without someone as your “date”. My elementary school didn’t care if you were solitaire or the school whore. This damn song- every single dance had it, along with “Last Dance” by Donna Summer and every single graduation had “Celebration” by Kool & The Gang. Now, I won’t bitch about Kool because they’re one of my favorite bands, and I won’t really bitch about Donna Summer because she was fabulous, but The Hooters? Oh, I can bitch about the Hooters. I have, thanks to Jeffro Radio, actually heard some other songs by The Hooters that I LIKE, but that song…well, I didn’t like it then, I don’t like it now, and I don’t think I will ever like it. So why, pray tell, do I OWN the 45? There has to be some temporary insanity plea I can cop to, in regardless to owning this. I mean, look at the sleeve with the rugged hunks that were The Hooters on it. Is that a keytar??? Can a geekier bunch be found? By the way, consider Ms. Geek and her best friend Misti in 1985: (I’m on the right, Misti on the left):
Would YOU have taken that awkward girl on the right to the class dance? I forgive you, friends, for your honesty. Anyway, this songs SUCKS. Read the lyrics. Do it.
I’ll kept running into the Macklemore song with the same name. THOSE lyrics are priceless. And I like them more.. this, well, I still don’t know why it’s here. I know I’m going to try to give it away. Maybe I’ll wrap it up and give it to someone that I detest. Yeah, that’s not a bad idea. Anyway, it does blow, and it needs to go.
3. Undercover of the Night, The Rolling Stones:
I can’t think of any reason for owning this, besides the fact that I am a Rolling Stones fan. There was one point when I was young and I saved up my allowance to buy any and all vinyl that were by favorite artists. I LOVE the Stones almost as much as I love The Beatles and the Doors, so maybe I justified it by buying the 45 for this? I’m pretty sure that changed when Misti and I saw the video for this song on “Night Tracks”. I can remember the conversation went like this: “What the hell is going on here?” “No idea. Wait, maybe it’ll get better”. 2 minutes later… “Still no idea what this crap is, Georgette”. “Me, either, Misti. That’s some time in our lives we’ll never get back”. I mean, I love Keith Richards as much as the next person, but there is no real good riff in this song. There’s no good…anything. No idea why I own it, but I’m ashamed to say this is the same Rolling Stones who brought me numerous songs that rocked. This just sucks!
The video, in case you need indigestion….
4. Strut, Sheena Easton:
I’m not a huge fan of Sheena Easton, although I do like quite a few of her songs. She didn’t make a huge impact on me the way Cyndi Lauper, Pat Benatar, and Madonna did. She was in the secondary female singers that rocked the 80’s Brigade. And I HATED this song. Still not a fan of it, although I can tolerate it now. I used to run screaming at the television whenever the video came on MV50 or Night Tracks; such was my dislike. There was no strong hook to the song, nor a catchy chorus. (Chaka Khan and Teena Marie she wasn’t). I have NO idea why I own this crap, but you can bet I’m going to try to sell it to Half Price Books next time I go in. EEK. Even the video… I would rather eat a bottle of ketchup (and you KNOW I hate ketchup) than ever have to watch that again.
5. Bad Medicine, Bon Jovi:
Well, contrary to what most people who know me believe, I actually do NOT hate Bon Jovi. I own some of their vinyl and their CD’s. I think most of my intense dislike boils down to certain songs being played on heavy rotation to the point of puke intoxication. This was a 45 that I think I got for my birthday from Zappa, except it was definitely on the gag gift spectrum. I still own it, because I’m one of those people who can’t get rid of gifts (not to the point that I’m a hoarder, but.. just can’t do it) from people. The song is cheesy and awful, and the video? Well, judge for yourself. I am NOT happy that I still have this piece of crap, but since I don’t believe in throwing out gifts given to you by people, I’m stuck with it. It doesn’t mean I have to like it, or listen to it! So instead, I’ll designate it as one of the five not jive 45’s I own. Oh, and that video? Consider yourself warned (the only saving grace is Mr. Sam Kinison).
So..until your next dance into the vinyl moonlight..