Turds hiding in my Fruit Loops: Cluttering my collection

Posted: March 20, 2015 by The Unfxxxingrelatable One in Uncategorized

Thank you, G, for the idea for posting about the terrible anomalies in one’s record collection. Thankfully, strictly where vinyl is concerned, I didn’t start collecting until I was 18. Even then, my collection consisted of a Def Leppard 7″ and the Rolling Stones’ Let it Bleed LP. Both have since been lost in a flood. It wasn’t until my friend and I started an online record store over eight years ago that my collection began in earnest. So, being as my tastes were (more or less) fully developed, I don’t have much that I’m ashamed of. That being said, here are a few questionable pieces.


Def Leppard – Make Love Like a Man b/w Miss You in a Heartbeat, bought 12/20/10 for $3. Over four years ago, but I can’t really defend this. No matter where you fall on Def Leppard as a band, one thing is certain. This song is just fucking terrible. I wrote a lengthy piece about just how terrible a while back. My only rationale for buying it has to be that I was collecting Lep b-sides, trying to get as much of their catalog as possible. “Miss You in a Heartbeat” is just not a good enough song to justify owning the awfulness that is “Make Love Like a Man”.


Europe – The Final Countdown b/w On Broken Wings, bought in 2009 as part of a 3 7″ for a dollar special. Why do I have this? Beside the sale that also netted me Run DMC’s rendition of “Ghostbusters” and Survivor’s “Eye of the Tiger” (which could also be on here but won’t be because…Rocky III, that’s why! Also, this fucking guy.


The Firm – The Firm, bought 2010 for $5. Wow, was this someone else? That I paid actual money for this is unbelievable. That I paid more than a penny is unthinkable. Five dollars!?! That is unfathomable. But it happened and I have no excuse. Here’s the thing. I don’t own any Led Zeppelin records. None. Why? Because I have heard every song to death that I don’t need to own any. Their etched in my brain so deeply that when Alzheimer’s has robbed me of the recognition of all I hold dear, I will still remember the lyrics to “D’yer Mak’er”. All of this is why I have zero idea as to what could have possessed me to hand over cash for a different Jimmy Page band with Paul Rodgers singing. Hadn’t I heard Coverdale/Page? Fuck me.


Elf – Trying to Burn the Sun, bought 6/10/10 for $5. See that label in the corner? This is how buyer’s remorse begins. Ronnie James Dio might be the greatest singer in the history of heavy metal. His contributions to Black Sabbath and Rainbow are astounding. Even his namesake band, Dio, had some gems. Elf is what Dio was doing before Rainbow. Still a great singer but singing generic blues rock. This one hurts.


Digital Underground – The Humpty Dance, bought 7/6/10 for unknown price. You know what? I don’t need to explain this one at all.

  1. “Make Love Like A Man”- anyone who likes that song needs their head examined. I love “The Final Countdown” so can’t diss that. The Firm and Elf perplex me. As for Digital Underground, I love it!
    Glad to see that I gave you a blog idea!

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